| In an effort to save money, Mayor Snodgrass has purchased a herd of wildebeests to graze the median strips and easements along the city's roads and highways. He has projected a $10,000 savings over three years, using the wildebeest to gradually phase out the regular mowing crews. However, reports indicate that money was allocated to purchase expensive Eastern White-bearded wildebeests, which are superior grazers. However, a local zoologist claims that the beests she has seen grazing the median of the highway near her house are in fact Inexpensive Southern Blue wildebeests. An investigation as to what the Mayor did with the extra money is under way. ...Full story |
| A band of local pirates is reportedly looting merchant ships in the area. Several local seamen claim to have been strapped to the yard arm and keel hauled. Fortunately the sailors who were keel hauled are in decent condition, the barnacles having recently been scraped from the hull of their ship. Mayor Snodgrass has been quoted as saying, "When we catch those pirates, they'll be cleaning wildebeest droppings from our highways for the next 20 years!" ...Full story |
| Local Union 131 is furious because many of their workers who mow highway medians have lost their jobs to wildebeest that the Mayor has set to grazing the highways in an effort to save money. Reports indicate that many of the workers are seeding local ponds with crocodiles in an effort to undermine the Mayor's wildebeest project. "Three-legged wildebeest simply are not effective grazers," stated one highway worker. ...Full story |